Wednesday, January 11, 2017

A Million Kisses, an introduction

When Amelia was a baby, I held her and kissed her head repetitively, and knew that I would do everything in my power to make her know she was loved. I spent all day in bed with her as a newborn, just napping, nursing, and snacking. We'd play, hang out, and I'd look at my phone while she was sleeping if I wasn't asleep myself. It was the LIFE, amiright??? We had a small apartment, not too much stuff, and we had Amelia.

When we moved into a rental home, (with our very own backyard!) Noah came along soon after. Now we were suddenly a real family, with real responsibilities, and I suddenly had to juggle two kids! I'd wonder to myself if I'd ever be able to give enough love to Noah as I had been able to give Amelia when we were just 3 of us, and I really didn't know at that time. I would give him kisses on his head repetitively just as I had with Amelia, but this time I did it in an anxious sort of way, hoping that the love would come from the kisses instead of the kisses coming from the love as they had with her. I'd find myself thinking that I needed to give Noah just as many kisses as I had Amelia, and sometimes I'd sit there on my bed kissing the top of his head for a minute straight hoping that somehow this could prove that I loved him just as much and could give him just as much as I had given to Amelia, even though my time had to be so much more divided now than it used to be.

Time went by, and now Noah isn't a newborn anymore, and I'm not quite as neurotic (ok FINE, I am, just about different things) and I have proven to myself that I can love my two children just as much as the other, and have embraced tried to embrace, that things will be different with each child. I won't be able to have the same experiences.  I used to think I was betraying Amelia by having a second child, and no matter what anyone told me while I was expecting and had him as a newborn, I couldn't shake that feeling. It really wasn't until a few months ago, seeing them really, truly play together that I knew I made the right choice to have 2 kids so close in age.

These days, we have an even bigger house to take care of, a (disturbingly destructive) puppy, bigger callings in church, and new adventures coming from all directions all the time.  

Through all of life's ups and downs though, I'm convinced that I will be able to give my kids "a million kisses" until they won't let me anymore.

I hope you read along with me as I share our story.

Also, I want to know so I don't feel alone: What neuroses did you have in your head with your kids? Mine are too many to name!

1 comment:

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